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[Tuesday July 24th, 2007 12:11pm] [ mood | frustrated ] once again nothing i do ever makes anyone not even myself happy. and i think im dropping outta college AWESOME =/ READ CMNT

[Sunday May 6th, 2007 10:25am] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | when you're gone // avril lavigne ] lately things have went from bad to good nicole's home for the summer & that right there makes everything better the fact that shes not an hour away and i can see her more then just friday-sunday and that in august we're getting our apartment just seems to help when ever he pisses me off or annoys the shit outta me or is just a pain in the ass yea you'd think that with all that said i'd have a boyfriend hah right just an annoying boy who wont leave me alone and gets mad at me for everything i do and say who only wants to see me at 2 in the morning probably because i'm not good enough to be seen with during the day and i wonder why i'm so stressed out all the time he drives me crazy but for some reason i can't stop. it's like i need him or something AND I SHOULDN'T. I NEED TO STOP THIS before i do something stupid like fall for his ass again =/ i wish i could be mean to you. things would be a lot easier exams are this week. and well i haven't been able to study and well i really need to =) cool today im spending the day with marina nicole lunch & shopping <3 im excited and i love her then biking with nicole and mikayla then home to study my life away for geography & history 3 papers and memorizing 200 answers mm what a fun day =) xoxo =[ READ CMNT

[Wednesday April 18th, 2007 11:16pm] [ mood | crappy ] dear friday night around 6ish, i am begging you please come super fast im having a week from hell and i really just need my best friend and about 100 beers =) love alyssa ( basically... ) READ CMNT

[Saturday April 14th, 2007 7:39pm] [ mood | frustrated ] [ music | outta my system // bow wow ] is it normal for one individual to make you feel 2 completely opposite things like killing yourself  & smiling? thank you asshole ;; for not only stressing the fuck outta me but also confusing the shit outta me along with making me second guess myself life made so much more sence when you were gone so do us all a favor and crawl back in your ike hole and get outta my life or atleast tell me what you want from me it would make me a lil happier I HATE THAT I CANT HATE YOU =/ READ CMNT

[Monday April 9th, 2007 1:46pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | gym class heros =) ] school is stressing me out and my family is frustrating what else is new? i feel like no matter how hard i try I'm not gonna pass my classes and ill never make it to Saginaw guess i have myself and my dad to thank I'm not my brother i just gotta tell myself i can do this its all i want .. to get away and be myself with my best friend at my side i think it will do me a lot of good my family and friends just want me to be happy and then don't want me to get hurt and i understand that more than anything i just with that it wasn't so hard i wish there was someone else out there someone else to get my mind off of asshole I'm trying really hard believe me this is so much harder than i thought it would be =/ READ CMNT

[Tuesday April 3rd, 2007 11:32pm] honestly whats wrong with me?! READ CMNT

[Sunday April 1st, 2007 11:45pm] one of the best weekends i've had in a really long time =) and i needed it after a long week of work and school friday after work i raced home real quick picked up my dinner to go and headed up to saginaw got there around 8ish and bummed around a bit headed over to some steppin thing which would have been better if i could see oh well back to nicole's for girls night #1 saturday after an amazing breakfast cooked by myself and nic believe it or not we were off on a hunt for a lil somethin somethin for ourselves since we deserved it =) made a pretty good dinner for ourselves + her roomies and started our second girls night watched some movies w/the captain & whitney then retired in nicole's room for some interesting convos fell asleep around 5ish maybe? made another delish breakfast this morning and then headed back off to the mall =) left there around 230ish for home and have been studying, well trying to atleast all afternoon all in all it was a successful weekend & im pretty much in love w/my fellow striker =D READ CMNT

[Wednesday March 28th, 2007 11:00pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | buy you a drink // t pain ] so 1 more full day until friday and i couldnt be more excited for the weekend spending it in saginaw w/the bestie =) after the past 3 weeks jam packed with nothing but stress i need a nice weekend away from home && what better way to spend it then drinkin my problems away with the only person who understands why i feel like this =) <b>LOVEYOUNIGGY</b> im trying my hardest to be stronger and with everything in my its gonna work one day ill be happy just gotta sit tight for a lil while longer _goodnight&hearts; READ CMNT

[Wednesday March 28th, 2007 12:46pm] [ mood | frustrated ] i hate that i'm allowing you to control my emotions again i didnt like being this person 2 years ago and i definitely don't like it now i don't know what to do anymore i've been trying so hard to stay strong guess its not working as well as i hoped and i'm not as strong of a person that i thought this is ridiculous & not normal to feel like this i'm the only one to blame for this and that makes things that much worse can someone please tell me what to do because i can't handle it on my own anymore </3 READ CMNT

[Monday March 26th, 2007 1:17am] [ mood | stressed ] [ music | teardrops of my guitar // taylor swift ] why is this happening to me? gotta wake up in about 3 hours and im not tired thanks asshole =[ be with me or get outta my life for good i cant do this anymore i was doing soo well until BAM i'm better off with out you i think=/ READ CMNT

time to stop the tears from falling [Sunday March 25th, 2007 10:47am] [ mood | discontent ] [ music | sad songs // rachel proctor ] extra stressful and full of stupid surprises my life in a nutshell. new attitude :: FUCK EVERYTHING lately honestly nothing matters not the attitude to have i guess but it gets me through days with less tears. i find myself going off in a daze and only thinking of one person and to be honest it kinda scares me a little i dont wanna be the person i was 2 years ago falling for stupid boys who are just going to break my heart in the end and im trying so hard not to .. but he makes it so easy for it to happen =/. mommys birthday was yesterday one more year =( were already up to 16 its crazy to believe. miss her life crazy and love her more than ever <3 nicole and her mommy came with me yesterday i thought it would be hard then i realized nicole is the closest thing to a sister ive ever had and her mom is my second mom WITH OUT A DOUBT and at the end of the day i wouldnt have wanted to do that with anyone other then the 2 of them they both mean the world to me and yesterday ment even more im glad they got to meet her & i know she loved them. after spending some time with momma we went off to a million places lots of laughs and i love them to pieces then home to shower & dinner with shelly robin & girls back to nicoles and well basically were following gut instincts from now on =) came home kinda early and passed out right away shopping with shelly for erins wedding today and then more time with my mommy O:)<3 ever and always // all my love♥ READ CMNT

[Monday March 19th, 2007 10:15pm] [ mood | confused ] life has never been so stressful i dont know what to do anymore seriously things just dont make sense and its basically driving me crazy recently i have realized who my true friends are and i wouldnt know what to do w/o any of them it kinda sucks its taken me this long but im glad ive finally gotten rid of people that i would have given everything to and gotten nothing back in return schools school and thank god its almost over svsu in the fall maybe? not sure yet for sure in january tho and im pretty excited for that lovin my job still minus a few parents but hey yur not gonna get along with everyone right? i live for my weekends spent with my best friend because its the only time i get to see her its really hard going w/o seeing her everyday atleast we talk but things are different counting down the days until summer and then EVERYTHING will get back to normal i love you nicole thank you for everything might start using this more again not really sure yet? just kinda needed to get away from math for a few ♥ READ CMNT

[Monday June 12th, 2006 4:56pm] [ mood | miserable =( ] [ music | young joc // goin down ] for the past god knows how long ive been pretty fucking miserable things have gotten extremly hard and im not sure how ive gotten through it all =/ everythings messed up. im pushing ppl away again and i wish i knew how to help myself nicole thank you for everything you have helped me so much && i have no idea what id do w/o you in my life right now .. you are truly my best friend and i love you more than anything <3 went to rascal flatts on friday and lets just say it was on of the best days ive had in a VERY long time. they were amazing && very cute =* weekend at nicoles helped a little but theres always this certain thing thats on my mind and i wish more than anything that i could just let go but i dont know if im not ready to or if i already have but having these thoughts in my head help me not get hurt anymore .. idk but its really hard and i wish i didnt have to do this alone anymore .. READ CMNT

i'mmm baaackkk =D [Sunday May 28th, 2006 7:22am] [ mood | awake ] schools done and ive been with nicole every freakin day and im having the time of my life. since the middle of may ive slept in my bed maybe 3 times and its amazing. went to the hoedown a few weekends ago saturday to see clay walker but it wasnt happening then back to nicoles just to be our sweet selves =) then hoedown again on sunday simply because it was a sunday night and we were in the mood to see some bums and walk around THE D O:) tuesday after an amazing trip to SVSU me and nicole got really cute && the remainder of the night was a pretty crazy im not gonna lie. and im just gonna leave it at im now what youd call a slut ;) but im pretty much 100% ok w/it because im havin fun with everything ive done .. driving from 10&1/2 to 24 WOO GOOD JOB BABY =* vampire bites and a very interesting wake up call .. but CRAZY nonetheless thursday after our last day of dance for a whole week =) me and nicole headed off to mommy's for a very yummy dinner date && we then were off in a search for ice cream but ended up with cute party glasses and twizzlers instead =) friday longest work day of my life .. but i love my kids so it wasnt all that bad. i was again off to nicole's we went grocery shopping and then we were off on yet another one of our random evenings. first bonfire with the most annoying people ive ever met && then off to somewhere i counldnt even tell you where but all im gonna say about that is "just think of trees baby ;)" last night i babysat and made the easiest money ever and then today calls for beach i believe && lunch date with my favotire .. and then who knows where we'll end up .. where ever the wind blows =P READ CMNT

happy new year <3 [Wednesday January 4th, 2006 4:03pm] [ mood | crushed ] It's the End of the Year As We Know It In the beginning of 2005... Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: yea How old were you?: 17 What was your outlook on the world?: idk i was happy =] How were you doing at school/your job?: pretty good What did you most look forward to?: sb 05 Did you make New Year's Resolutions?: probably What was your biggest worry?: college? i dont member Who was your best friend?: ashley & liz probably What did you do with your spare time?: dance What did you do for fun?: dance & party In the middle of 2005-- the summer! (Or winter, for the aussies.) Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: nope Had your outlook on the world changed?: it didnt What did you spend your summer(or winter) doing?: hanging out w/friends and partyin Did you get tan?: for the most part Who'd you hang out with, mainly?: ashley brett vince && a few others <3 Did you go visit anywhere?: just corn dick What was your biggest worry?: stinky boys What was the most fun event that happened?: august =[ And as the year drawns to an end... And how's your relationship status now?: not sure How old are you?: 18 What major changes have happened since the year began?: nothing really Is your life any different from when it started this year?: yea What thing that happened stands out in your mind?: august How have you changed?: for the better? What was the most embarrassing moment?: deffently cant pick one When was your lowest point?: november Are you happy with how the year went?: yes and no What thing would you change if you could?: my life in general For 2006... What do you plan to not do that you did this year?: not let stinky boys get the best of me .. Do you think it'll be better than this year?: i hope so Do you think it'll be WORSE than this year?: could be but i hope not What do you plan to do next year?: get outta michigan What are your pre-New Year's resolutions?: dont have any Who are you spending New Year's Eve with?: i spent it w/ashley.sarah.kevin.and vince =] And to wrap it up.. What one thing would you like to say as the year is almost done?: eh.fuck you =] Take this survey | Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d READ CMNT

[Friday December 9th, 2005 9:22am] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | eh. fall out boy ] i m i s s t h e s u m m e r a l o t =[ && i love you alot too k thanks for yur time bye♥ READ CMNT

this shit is crazy sonn =O [Wednesday October 26th, 2005 9:55am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | dashboard // rapid hope loss ] well i basically had a breakdown. talked it out with ashley and then had another one. but didnt tell anyone. last night me and ashley went to kevin's house for a little bit then visited Darren at work like we always do. it was fun like always. i love that kid. he cracks me up =] today what a suprise i fought with my dad. but this time it was really bad. i have to start paying rent which is bull shit. and if i raise my voice once more. hes kicking me out. also bull shit. so if you want a new member of your family, let me know ill prolly need a place to stay tonight =\ supossed to work out with ashley tonight but i dont know how well im going to pull that off. then im home fighting with my dad about all this bull shit and how he would NEVER do this to my brother and im finally going to tell him how i feel about being treated different just because i have boobs and not a penis. b/c thats the biggest bull shit he has ever pulled and im sick of it. tomorrow after class im working out with ashley then getting my belly button pierced =D and then i have dance. maybe stayin for ballet probably because i basically will do anything to stay out of my house. and i love all them girls alot soo its not that hard staying an extra 400 hours there friday who knows where ill be. but i have to work and then im pretty much staying somewhere and getting soo drunk that i cant even walk straight because i need it soo much right now. saturday and sunday call for probably the same thing O:) and my alyssa benincasa. misses justin so much right now its not even funny. hes all i think about. and the hardest part is. if i called him today hed probably ask me who i was and not know when i said alyssa =*[ why do i always do this to myself. seriously its soo ridiculous i cant take it anymore. i shouldnt still care about him and shouldnt still think about him.. and i sure as hell shouldnt still like him the way i think i do. number one because he prolly doesnt remember who i am. number two hes pretty much getting back with his stupid whore of an ex. number three hes an asshole number four he used and lied to me. number five hes still in high school. number sex i dont know but i stil like him and it needs to stop. why i get soo attatched i dont know. but as of now its not that im attatched to him. i just miss the summer alot. and i would give anything to have it back. and that week was seriously one of the funnest weeks ive ever had. and idk i just miss justin =[ and im done ♥ comment READ CMNT

after 4 years. i can finally say im over it =] [Sunday October 16th, 2005 12:27pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | obviously michelle branch ] Of all the things I believe in I just want to get it over with tears from behind my eyes but I do not cry Counting the days that past me by I've been searching deep down in my soul Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old Looks like I'm starting all over again The last FOUR years were just pretend and I say Goodbye to you Goodbye to everything I thought I knew You were the one I love The one thing that I tried to hold on to I still get lost in your eyes And it seems like I can't live a day without you Closing my eyes till you chase my thoughts away To a place where I am blinded by the light but it's not right Goodbye to you Goodbye to everything I thought I knew You were the one I loved The one thing that I tried to hold on to Ohhh yeah It hurts to want everything & nothing at the same time I want whats yours and I want whats mine I want you but I'm not giving in this time Goodbye to you Goodbye to everything I thought I knew You were the one I loved The one thing that I tried to hold on to The one thing that I tried to hold on to Goodbye to you Goodbye to everything I thought I knew You were the one I loved The one thing that I tried to hold on to We the stars fall and I lie awake Your my shooting star     you we're the biggest waste of 4 years. i dont't know what i was thinking. but thanks for taking my high school years and making them complete shit. you're such an asshole and im SOO happy that not only have i found 4 guys better for me then you. but im 100% over everything i THOUGHT you were. and thats the best thing thats ever happened to me =] READ CMNT

who i am, hates who ive become =/ [Friday October 7th, 2005 1:04pm] [ mood | nervous ] [ music | rkelly // playas only ] tuesday i had class then i came home and stayed here pretty much the rest of the day. talked to tommy he makes me happy =] wednesday after bio i went to ashley's. went to meijers. started going tanning. picked up my bro from football then actually went tanning. she went to work and i came home and did homework. talked to the regular kids and went to sleep. thursday met nicole in the parking lot like always. went to ashleys. went tanning. back to her house. then to mine. she came with me to dance. bros game was canceled so we went to pizza hut and then back to her house. back to mine and burned some cds picked up some stuff for my dad couldnt figure how to sign something. got food then just chilled here for the rest of the night. took her home. got pissy and went to bed. today vinne woke me up around 1130. dicked around. did some wash. getting ready to go shopping real quick. then packing and hopefully still going to ashleys for the weekend. dakota game tonight with ashley liz josh and some of his friends. then either a haunted house w/ them or back to ashley's for the night. dont know yet. tomorrow ill prolly go to dance only because i feel kinda bad skipping. it all depends on how i feel and what time i wake up. then i believe its a g/f day and night for me with some good smoothies ;] sunday = day at the barn ill be there from about 10-5 can't wait. ash you owe me a few more dance classes ;] i like tommy alot =/ thats not good and im nervous that my dads gonna be gay about today and yesterday me & ash figured out august1 was the day. and i seriously miss him alot and i shouldnt </3 READ CMNT

this is sooo crazy =*[ [Monday October 3rd, 2005 5:25pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | bep // my humps ] so this weekend was nothing special. friday i did nothing then worked. came home Ashley came over and then we went with Brian to some bon fire for the evening. saturday danced then came home showered real quick went to work. it was pretty cute. then after i came home changed then we me and Ashley went over to Brian's house. hung out with Adam and Mike. fun fun. left and met Wayne and James at Fernhill and played in the parking lot. back to Brian's house then over to Ashley's. ended up in Jessica's back yard and i'm cute but not in a lesbian way =] sunday i did some homework then it was off to work. nothing special your typical chaldean party. got hit on by nasty greeks. and danya made me laugh alot <3 today i had school. went tanning with Ashley. ate ice cream w/my bro. talked to Stacy and i missed her =] dance in a little bit then who knows i think a tutor session with Joe ;] the rest of the week i have no idea. its just one of them last minute shit but this weekend = FUNNN weekend at Ashley's and NOO PARENTS =* friday is a night of sex minus me =/ oh well. saturday dont know. i might go to dance im not sure yet. then sunday i dont know but im excited =] so much has been happening in our school district its crazy. first justin. then mike. then mr hill. and now jenny and nick. its crazy. the nicest people in the world gone =[ its hard to believe that i was playing tag and hide n seek with nick and now hes in the hospital. i cant even imagine. the scary part is that its all people i went to school with or could have. jsut thinking about it makes me wonder. whens it my turn? you know. its soo sad. i just wanna cry thinking about it. anyone that needs ANYTHING im here for you. we all need to stick together through this. RIP -- Justin McBryar Mike Cole Mr. Hill Jenny Stano and Nick // i'll never stop praying for you ~ only the good die young =*[ READ CMNT

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